Welcome to our five-part series, Shapes at Work. In this series, we will focus on each of the five Shapes that may represent you or one of your co-workers.

Here’s what you need to know about the Circle Co-Worker:

The Circle Co-Worker

The Circle co-worker is a great team player and is often good at keeping a pulse check on the morale of the team. Like all the Shapes, Circles have their share of some negative traits too, which could lead to potential problems in the workplace. For example, since the Circle does care, they can care too much and become “too personal.” The Circle may also have challenges holding others accountable and become known as a “push-over.” Again, we all bring our potentially negative and positive traits to work. When these negative traits are present, the following challenges can occur as a Circle or working with a Circle:

Challenge #1: “I can’t work with someone I don’t respect!” The Circle really means, “I don’t want to work with someone who doesn’t like me!” While this may be a “perception” (true, untrue, partially true) or a complete misperception by the Circle, the Circle tends to use the word respect, when it is really being liked that is important to them.

Recommendation:  Respond to the unspoken message. Encourage the Circle to consider the Shape of their co-worker. How could they be perceived or misperceived by them, a Circle? If applicable, share a different perspective of past situations when it seems as if the Circle’s co-worker really does like them, but it was the process they didn’t like. Although it is true everything is personal to the Circle, not everything someone else says or does is intended to be personal. For example, the logical Box may resist the Circle’s request to perform a task. When the Box says, “no,” the Circle thinks it’s because the Box doesn’t like them; when in all actuality, it has nothing to do with the Circle (the person). The resistance is about the task. Encourage the Circle to talk with the Box, filling in the blanks: “I feel __________ when you __________ because ____________.” Remember, the Circle dreads confrontation, but ask the Circle to consider it to strengthen their relationship with their co-worker. This dialogue will lessen defense mechanisms and get more into understanding the real issue of the problem.

Challenge #2: “I’ll have to check with Sam on this one.” It is difficult for a Circle to make a decision without knowing if “Sam” will like it. Consensual validation is important to the Circle.

Recommendation: Before you ask for support from a Circle, do your homework. How do others on the team feel about it? Think about it? How will it help others? This will make the Circle more comfortable with making a decision, especially if others already support it. However, if others aren’t in favor, it’s important to be honest with the Circle. Share why it would be harmful or hurtful to others if the Circle doesn’t make a decision, even if others don’t agree that it’s the right thing to do.

For example, someone may say to the Circle, “I want to move up the project deadline by one week, and I need your support. Here is what’s going on, and here’s why some people are for it and others are against it. I can see both sides, and not everyone is going to like it, but to delay our decision will only make it harder on everyone. Can I count on your support?” While the Circle doesn’t necessarily like the choices, they really don’t like that everyone will “suffer” regardless of the decision made. The Circle may still want to check in with someone else before deciding, or lending their support, but they will be more motivated to decide quickly, instead of avoiding it all together.

Challenge #3: “I can’t do everybody’s work and mine too,” says the Circle. The reason is simple: Circles try to please everyone, have a hard time saying, “no,” and often get in over their heads. When the Circle has taken on too much, they feel overwhelmed, worried that they will disappoint others and themselves, too. Now it seems as if the Circle is complaining and starting to blame others.

Recommendation: Empathize with the Circle. Remember, Circles are empathizers, and they tend to give others what they themselves need. So, empathize and recognize the Circle’s full plate, the commitments they’ve already made to help others, and how much stress they must be feeling now that they are struggling to get their own work done. Redirect the conversation to the Circle’s job responsibilities, what their work means to the team, and that it’s important to prioritize. Why is prioritization important for the Circle? So, they know when they can say “yes,” or why they must say, “no.” Explain that saying “no” doesn’t mean that they don’t care, or care about someone, it just means the Circle must “first complete” their work which ultimately helps everyone on the team. It’s the notion that if the Circle stops to help one person, they may hurt nine others if they don’t get their own work done.

Challenge #4: “Do you have time to talk?" The Circle enjoys socializing and talking things over. They are good communicators, and they appreciate the value of taking time to celebrate, collaborate, and have someone who will take the time to listen. This is especially true if the Circle is going through something personal away from work or is having a personal conflict with someone at work. The issue for the person who has a Circle co-worker, and especially if they are a Circle, too, is that even if they want to listen, it may cause them to be late picking up their daughter from preschool, let down another co-worker who is counting on the completion of their work, or get involved with office politics that is not even related to their work.

Recommendation: 

Be sensitive to the Circle’s personal needs. You don’t want to sound harsh, as if you don’t care or have time for them, but you will have to set some boundaries with the Circle, especially if, as mentioned above, you are a Circle, too. A Circle with a problem can monopolize your time. Even the word monopolize sounds harsh, but it can be true (even though it’s not the Circle’s intent). There’s no easy solution and one size does not fit all, but you must remember you have people to take care of, too, and managing your own time is critical. It’s a catch-22, but just be honest with the person, and balance your time the best you can. Here are a few responses to the Circle, who wants to know if you have time to talk, when you already have tons of work you must do. 

• “I know this is a hard time for you. Do you want to meet in the breakroom or connect virtually when I eat my lunch at noon? I don’t mind eating and listening, too.”

• “As much as I wish I could just stop everything right now, I have a hard-stop (previous commitment) in ten minutes. I know it’s not a lot of time, but you can at least catch me up with what’s happening. Would that be helpful?” 

• “I’m sorry to hear about your conflict with one of our co-workers. I can see how you would feel discouraged and frustrated. What did they say when you approached them with how you feel?” (Most of the time the person has not approached them at all, they just want to talk to you about them). Tell them the best thing you can do to help them is encourage them to go talk to the person, instead of telling you.

Challenge #5: “It's all my fault." This is one of the toughest ones to manage. The Circle can be self-blaming when things go wrong. Although it is good that the Circle can admit the mistake, they tend to overdo it, sometimes taking the focus off what went wrong to simply trying to console them (the Circle) and make them feel better.

Recommendation: When the Circle owns up to the mistake, address the issue, then, forget it and move on. Act like nothing happened and make it business as usual. You must show that it doesn’t cause you to think less of the Circle.

If you want to learn more about other PsychoGeometrics resources, including our online DIY modules, upcoming certification online classes, or how we can customize a team-building workshop for your group, feel free to reach out to me directly. Our team truly loves helping people leverage their Shapes for effective and influential communication!

Susan Hite, CEO, PsychoGeometrics, The Science of Behavior - The Art of Communication

susanhite@psychogeometrics.com